I'm super smart. How did I get so super smart? I have wonderful teachers in my life. Here are somethings I learned just yesterday; courtesy of the things that occupy my home.
You have to tell a 10 year old girl to NOT wear Tuesday the clothes she wore Monday; but not until you've come home after work on Tuesday and seen that she's already been to school in them... again.
When daycare providers are excited to see you; its never good... Take yesterday for example. When I opened the door to Ellee's classroom both teachers JUMPED UP to talk to me. Apparently, Ellee and her friend Janae enjoy playing in Janae's pee, and more impressively, Ellee's poop. After continuing to explain the lotion-application type movements and one recreated what could be described as the act of applying shampoo to your hair in the shower, showing me brand new white booty shorts that I ripped the tags off of that morning that were now covered in poop, and trying to convince me that it was something they 'could laugh at now'; when I asked Thing 2 to tell her teachers that she was sorry for playing in her poop; she looked up and shouted "SHORY!" "BYE!" dripping with sarcasm with her fat palm up in the air and she was out the door.
When enjoying martinis on the couch and something begins to "hiss" VIOLENTLY LOUD right behind you; know that its your cat saying hi to Frank. Then, when you call Frank's name and the cat sees it as his opportunity to bolt up the stairs; don't bother spending the next 3 minutes yelling at Frank to stop looking in the bathroom for the cat; he's LONG GONE. And when he lays at the bottom of the stairs (which is NOT the couch which is were he ALWAYS lays) and continues to STARE upstairs as he pretends to act like he totally LOVES laying on hard tile. "what; there was a cat down here? really? I had no idea... I was just choosing to lay in this spot that I'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE. Oh that? My back hair ALWAYS stands up like that... yeah, totally normal things over here..."
Even though your intentions are good, albeit selfish; don't bother to make twice as many swedish meatballs thinking you won't have to make dinner on Friday night; since your husband will manage to do all the dishes; clean up the stove; and leave the container of meatballs on the counter overnight for you to find the next morning.
Important lessons I thought I'd pass along.
