ME DAMN IT

This is about me. I can count about 3 people in my life that will understand every.word. I. say.

I'm a mom; blah blah blah.  Insert all the usual complaints here.  I cook, clean, launder, shampoo, rinse and repeat and figure out where mysterious smells come from. I keep children alive.  I waste money on gas speeding home from my 1st shi(f)t job to my 2nd shi(f)t of being above referenced mom.  I shoot clothes on children like they come out of a cannon.  I routinely scream the exact same phrases at the 14 year old about her grades. But whatever about them; this is about me.

I read more.  I don't exercise enough.  I'm good at my job.  I wear bright colors and I look good in them. I have great hair; but can count on one hand the number of times I've been able to grow my nails.  I don't like to ever have a bra on after 6:15pm; or ever on a day that starts with "S".  I have an obsession with pillows on my bed; functional or not.  I had a panic attack today.  I throw myself pity parties often. BUT I'm figuring out the British monarchy.  I read FICTION books now (occasionally).  My goal to be pharmaceutical free by December is on track.  I laugh at South Park. I say "that's what she said" far more than ANY 14 year old boy could.  Or all of his friends combined.  I sometimes miss being single and having a harem of women... to help me raise my child. I'm smart enough to know it would be stupid to EVER do any of that bullshit again.  I'm excited to watch Summer go though all of it. I'll have an empty house at the age of 42.  Wait...Damn it. Those kids make there way into EVERYTHING.

Tuesday after a long weekend

Nuff Said.

Evolution of a teenage room

Guys, I know why grandpa NEVER let us help paint. But, I dare say, I may have outwitted him and his great granddaughter Hellcat. 

Awww, look at that helper.  She's even got her own, little, 3 inch roller.  Oh wait; what is that? You DON'T WANT TO HELP ANYMORE? BUT IT'S ONLY BEEN 10 MINUTES.  Oh well.  :)

The mini roller trick didn't work on Summer; she insisted on helping.  ugh.  Just kidding!  Actually, she accomplished the most; she painted her entire ceiling and probably 2/3rds of her room too.  Who knew she CAN get shit done; when said shit benefits her?  Whatever, I was tired of Montgomery's moping around, so the quicker the better.

TA-DA!!! We are back in business!  Her "magnetic" walls are at the entrance; you can see the stuff hanging on the wall there.  Feel free to send many magnets from fun places or with filthy saying on them.  She enjoys those the most.  Like for Valentines Day, when she and Montgomery got their initials to hang on their bedroom wall.  "M" for Montgomery and "S" for Summer: or "S & M" I thought it was hilarious; but I was laughing alone.  I took a break and explained to Summer what it meant. 

ANOTHER TA-DA!!!! I'm the slickest, smartest, most cleaver person in the world.  Suck it, Pinterest. These are 'randomly' placed cedar crates.  Anyone who knows me understands the quotes.  NOTHING can be random in my life. So these sweet crates not only give her about a mile of shelf space, but they are acting as a wonderful fumigation system as well. 

14 year old disgusting girl + 10 year old disgusting dog = horrific living conditions

She has her desk under the window and her laptop is on nonstop.  This should last us the LESS THAN 4 YEARS we have left with her in the house. :)  But who's counting?

There is no 'right' side of the bed for Eleanor

Eleanor does not like getting woke up; by anyone.  It doesn't matter if it's by me, her papa,, shister, the cat, the dog; we've tried it all.  She's just not a morning person.

Jason drew the short stick and went to get Hellcat up.  She had her feet out of her footie pajamas, so papa asked her "why are your feet out? did you get hot?"

"NO" (with her face buried in her pillow because he had the audacity to turn the light on)
"What happened?"
"My feet hurt. They hurt in all my footies.  All my footies suck."

So I guess her younger cousins can look forward to some footie jammas.

Oh Summer, when will you learn...

So OCCASIONALLY Summer has a brain lapse and tries to help Eleanor with her homework.  It always ends the same.  Last night, Summer stormed off after Eleanor refused to count by 5’s (they are learning about  money/nickels).  Eleanor’s technique? Just start talking in Spanish.  She knows more Spanish then Summer does.  Well, that and Eleanor adds a little extra. Its not quite spang-lish, its more like Span-Eleanortrumpsall-glish.

The Education of Eleanor

I got 'caught' by Eleanor's teacher dropping her off at school this morning.  She filled me in on a recent interaction.  They are learning about hibernation; how some birds fly south, foxes burrow in underground holes and bears find or make dens for themselves to sleep the winter away.  The storyboard consisted of a bear that was hunting and eating in the fall to get fat for the winter.  As winter approached, the bear became sleepy.  Eleanor piped in "THAT BEAR LOOKS STONED".  None of the other kids knew what Eleanor was talking about. Her teacher then asked, "Eleanor, what does that mean?" She smirked "YOU know what that means."

Good Lord

My house is a complete wreck.  I hope the fire department has no reason to come to my home, I don't want to read the words "unmaneuverable" or "uninhabitable" in the report.

Eleanor got to have a slumber party... with her father.  With both humidifiers going, it was a tropical 86% humidity and about 90 degrees in there.  She's better; he, of course, is still sick.

This is the completely useless den since 1/2 of Summers room is in it.  And Montgomery's arch nemesis; Buttercup.  That bitch sets him OFF.  Even when Summer tried to cover her with a blanket, he still knew she was lurking under the comforter and LIT HER ASS UP.  Video breakdown to come soon.

So why is Summer's room in the den?  Because my little B Cup wants a grown room.  No more dots, but much MUCH more purple.  Like a Merlot purple.  Nothing would please me more. 

With her and Montgomery's room out of commission, they've been reduced to the guest bedroom, or at least that is Goobies take on it.  He reFUSES to get on that bed, so he spent the first night on the floor on his blanket. The 2nd night, he humped his giant butt up the stairs only to find the SUMMER still didn't get her shit together, and his room was still not ready.  He sat on the guest room floor, then came on my side of the bed; farted, then went back downstairs to sleep on his goose down filled couch.  Well done

If there isn't any other motivating factor to get this damn project done, its going to be so Montgomery stops throwing himself around.

MEN